We always hear about how to use body language to project confidence and assertiveness. And there is nothing wrong with that: after all, I just wrote a post about how to master that last month! But what about when you want to “pull in” your audience with your charm and your warmth? What are the things you need to do to achieve that?
Well, as someone who practiced as a mediator, I know that value of using warmth to encourage people to “open up”. And, given my experience, I think Carol Kinsey Goman’s list of things to do is very much on point!
1. Relax.
You project this by “open and receptive postures, legs are uncrossed, and arms are held away from your body, with palms exposed or resting comfortably on the desk or conference table.”
2. Lean in.
“Leaning backward usually signals feelings of dislike or negativity”… [but] if you are using forward leans as a means to build positive relationships”. However, you don’t want to lean in too early with people you hardly know because that can make them uncomfortable.
3. Aligning your body.
This is a way to signal inclusion. Use your body language to signify inclusion by facing “the speaker with feet, hips, shoulders and head aligned in his/her direction. Even a quarter turn away signals your lack of interest and makes the speaker shut down.”
4. Using Mirroring.
This is another way to signal inclusion or empathy. Because we naturally, “match their stance, arm positions and facial expressions” with people we agree with, using mirroring is a way to signal “that you are connected and engaged.”
5. Use your head.
“Head tilting is another signal that you are interested and involved… [and can signal] empathy and understanding.” Research also shows that people are more willing to willing to open up to people who nod their “head using clusters of three”. However, note that head tilting can also signal submissiveness so do not overuse this non-verbal cue.
6. Look like you’re paying attention.
If you give a speaker your full attention, (s)he will feel “valued, respected and included.” On other hand, send the opposite signal if you give in to the temptation to “check your text messages, check your watch, or check out how the other participants are reacting.”
There are, of course, times when you want to give the impression of being a “captain of industry”. But there are times when charm is your most useful tool… especially in difficult negotiations. So, I think it’s a good idea to add these non-verbal cues to your repertoire.
